judgments
we all inherently judge people by their appearances. even if you consider yourself to be a kind and welcoming person, you still make judgments of people based off the way they look. it's true that first impressions drive someones perspective of your character, and presentation is the first thing someone can observe about you before you open your mouth. when we make immediate judgments of a person, we size them up; compare them to past experiences, types of people we've interacted with, and then consider how to go about communicating with that person in an acceptable manner.
the way we judge people depends on personal expectations. for me, my natural mindset was realized after i read deborah tannen's piece, there is no unmarked woman. i noticed that i tend to read more into women than i do with men. sometimes the voice in my head becomes too nasty, and i feel shame for thinking mean things about women i don't even know personally, just from the way they look. on the other hand, i will not claim that i do not judge men, because i definitely do; it's rather that i judge them in a much different matter than with women. like how tannen claims that men are unmarked, i don't feel the need to immediately categorize everything i can get from the first impression of a man. if his hair looks like he just rolled out of bed, i think, "eh. it's just because he's a guy." if he looks boring, instead of asking Why God a human would wear khaki joggers, i just assume that he didn't care enough to wear anything less plain.
because women are naturally "marked", when i notice these things in a girl, i find myself immediately making assumptions of character and lifestyle and numerous other rather defining aspects of a human being. after questioning for years the reason as to why i over analyze the appearances of women adjacent to me, i've come to the understanding that because women are naturally "marked", there's an inner need to feed a hungry ego that's constantly competing for recognition and praise in the eyes men.
despite the fact that i constantly preach refusing approval from anybody and promote individuality and self love hand-in-hand, the societal constructs fed into my brain from a young age have made it so that i must constantly fight with myself in order to achieve the title of a self-reliant and strong young woman. a lot of days it feels like i will never be satisfied with the way i execute my actions and thoughts. every time i catch myself slipping up and letting my internalized voice take over and think awful things, i feel myself take one step backwards from the foggy destination of Self.
unlearning is a lifelong task.
maybe i'm getting at something here, or maybe i'm just mean.
the way we judge people depends on personal expectations. for me, my natural mindset was realized after i read deborah tannen's piece, there is no unmarked woman. i noticed that i tend to read more into women than i do with men. sometimes the voice in my head becomes too nasty, and i feel shame for thinking mean things about women i don't even know personally, just from the way they look. on the other hand, i will not claim that i do not judge men, because i definitely do; it's rather that i judge them in a much different matter than with women. like how tannen claims that men are unmarked, i don't feel the need to immediately categorize everything i can get from the first impression of a man. if his hair looks like he just rolled out of bed, i think, "eh. it's just because he's a guy." if he looks boring, instead of asking Why God a human would wear khaki joggers, i just assume that he didn't care enough to wear anything less plain.
because women are naturally "marked", when i notice these things in a girl, i find myself immediately making assumptions of character and lifestyle and numerous other rather defining aspects of a human being. after questioning for years the reason as to why i over analyze the appearances of women adjacent to me, i've come to the understanding that because women are naturally "marked", there's an inner need to feed a hungry ego that's constantly competing for recognition and praise in the eyes men.
despite the fact that i constantly preach refusing approval from anybody and promote individuality and self love hand-in-hand, the societal constructs fed into my brain from a young age have made it so that i must constantly fight with myself in order to achieve the title of a self-reliant and strong young woman. a lot of days it feels like i will never be satisfied with the way i execute my actions and thoughts. every time i catch myself slipping up and letting my internalized voice take over and think awful things, i feel myself take one step backwards from the foggy destination of Self.
unlearning is a lifelong task.
maybe i'm getting at something here, or maybe i'm just mean.
LOVED this! I've always kind of taken for granted my ability to kind of just grab random clothes and wear them to school, when the same kind of actions from a girl would guarantee her much more judgement. As for non-clothing related matters, I'm definitely also trying to - as you put it - unlearn things that society has told me. You're definitely onto something here - loved your commentary.
ReplyDeleteLuna!!!! I feel like you perfectly articulated the social constructs surrounding women, and the tendency for girls and women to analyze other women! Even when putting forth a conscious effort to break these thoughts, the social habits ingrained in our minds from young age seem to always seep through.
ReplyDelete